ha-502: i wonder how many of tyra bank’s sexual partners has made the joke “you wanna be on top?” while having sex with her
me: *goes out in public*
Not that any of you are interested, but I’m rolling a javazon. Aw yeah
when you accidentally step on your pet's foot
Dog: IT'S OK I LOVE YOU ANYWAYS YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND COME ON LET'S GO PLAY!!!!!
Cat: What the fuck? Do you have any idea what you just did? You stepped on my fucking foot, you moron. I will not accept your apology so easily I'll just leave you for a while and hide and when you come near me I'll hiss at you bitch. Go on a diet you fatass maybe then it won't hurt so goddamn much.
kristenwiigswig: getting jealous of your sims because they are attractive even though you made them that way
ohfrankoreo: reblogging your friends posts because homies gotta stick together
clayaiken2003: the year is 2400 adele’s album 21 is still #1 on itunes
williambeckettmakesmehorny: i don’t care if you dislike me you’ll never dislike me as much as i dislike myself (◕‿◕✿)
Me: She identifies as a girl. So she's a girl.
Friend: But she's really a
Me: No stop
cookie package: DO NOT EAT RAW COOKIE DOUGH
me: nods understandingly as i eat the raw cookie dough
bansand: waht if yuo asked a genie for “fame and fortune” but he heard you wrong and you ended up being famous for having four chins